Archive for Friends

With friends like these

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on August 17, 2013 by Johnny Broken

There’s something that’s been bugging me, and I just wanted to… bring it up here, I guess, while I’m still so annoyed by the whole thing.

First off, a bit of context to the situation.

I know you may find it just a wee bit hard to believe, but I don’t have that many friends in real life. In fact, for the better part of the last three years, I’ve counted two guys as the totality of my friends. And “friends” in this case are people who would contact me, to want to do something with me. Thing is, of those two guys, one of them, let’s call him #8, he moved out of state last month. And the other guy is #3.

And to put it lightly, #3 is a bit of an asshole. I mean we get along for the most part, and we have similar interests and all that, but he really, REALLY gets on my nerves sometimes. In Geek terms, he’s Chaotic Neutral, and I’m Lawful Evil. He’s also one of those kinds of people that absolutely refuses to admit that anything is ever his fault.

-He gets pulled over by the cops (repeatedly) for his car not being inspected, because the police are out to get him. (Not because he’s too damn lazy to get his car inspected in time.)
-He won’t get his car inspected or insured when he’s supposed to because the mechanic and insurance agency are out to screw him for his money.
-He was fired from his job because the boss is an incompetent moron out to screw him. (Not because #3 is a rude asshole who regularly misses work.)
-He’s broke because his part-time job didn’t file his paperwork properly AND the government is out to screw him, so he can’t get Unemployment any time soon. (Not because he’s too lazy and arrogant to just go out and get a fucking job.)

You get the idea, yeah? And he’d never admit it, but he’s a borderline ADD case. If he could help it, he’d constantly being trying something different every two minutes because he got bored with what he was just doing. (Me, I tend to get one track minded with something I like, causing me to stick with it for years.)

I don’t ever… well, I rarely ever bring up these counter points to his ramblings because I really don’t like arguing all that much. In fact, you really could say that by default, I really don’t act like a “typical” guy with people I think I get along with. I don’t do jocky type frat boy shit like pranks or constant teasing. (I got enough of that shit in school. I don’t consider myself to be that level of a jackass to inflict that on others.) I’m not a physical person, I don’t fight. Don’t get me wrong, I WILL make fun of someone if they annoy me, but I rarely do it just to be an asshole. #3, he doesn’t really follow this code. The bastard constantly rags on me for the stupidest shit like I’ve committed some grave sin.

So anyway. A couple months back #3, #8 and I started a writing project for a website. For the most part, we all agreed how to handle it, but #3 and I disagreed on what I still think is a fundamental part of what we were trying to accomplish. I think a blog based website, ideally speaking, should be updated with new content AT LEAST once a week. You could go two weeks between updates, but that’s pushing it.

#3 disagrees with this like I’m trying to drag him to a Southern Baptist church. His first explanation was that he thinks of a website like a concert. And even if you really like your favorite band, you don’t go see them play every week, because you’d get sick of them. It took a while, but I finally got it into his head that his comparison didn’t even work because of the amount of time involved in watching a band versus reading a column online.

Then he started rambling about his own online viewing habits.

It’s hard to explain, but he basically has OCD when it comes to reading… anything… online. He just skims articles through a reader and moves onto the next site, because if he stays on any one website for too long, the internet goblins will catch his scent and reach through the screen and grab him. Or something. He’s bitched to no end about how much he hates going to a site and seeing that they’ve posted multiple updates in a single day, because regardless of the content of the update, he thinks he needs to read them all before he can move on. So naturally, that applies to everyone else.


Skip ahead to the last update for our site. About a week after our last column was posted, I started a column the week before #8 was to move out of state. I understand the guy was moving and priorities and all, but it took him a full two weeks to add in his first part to the column. #3 added in his part in a few days, and I add my next part in twenty-four hours like I always do. #8 took around another week to add his next part, but #3 took a little over two weeks to add in his next part, explaining that he’s lost his primary internet access until further notice. (See the above about him and his current lack of money.) At this point, I’m thinking the incredibly loose schedule we were keeping was beyond fucked, so there was really no rush. I relayed as much to #8. Six days later, #3 has the gall to send me this email.

“Your internet still works right? Why aren’t you doing the blog during the week when I have computer access? If you’re done I can finish it up without you.”

This was my response.

“We’re around 4 weeks off any sort of schedule already anyway. As I said last week, a few days won’t make much difference at this point.”

And his following reply (which I received on 8/12) was the thing that’s pissed me off to no end.

“So, your solution to the problem of the progress being too slow for you is taking an extra long time to do your parts? Because then at least you are the problem?”

Are you fucking serious? I’m responsible for six days of over FOUR WEEKS and I’m the problem?! It’s my fucking fault that he obviously doesn’t give a shit about the project anymore because I know he’s spent hours typing up other shit for a game we’re playing AND he doesn’t even have a full time job now.

I usually hang out with #3 Friday nights, and we’ve been doing a gaming night with a couple other guys Saturday nights. #3 sent me one text after that email on Friday, and I never responded. (My initial plan was to just ditch everyone I knew for the entire weekend, but boredom won out over anger Saturday and I went along.) And I was half tempted to return the last two books I’ve borrowed from #3 so I could just stop talking to him until I cooled down. If I ever did.

(This isn’t the first time he’s pulled something that got me to stop talking to him for a lengthy period of time. That disaster involved a girl, but the worst part about that whole thing is that he has NO idea that I’m… still… angry that he “got” the girl I had been talking to. But that’s another story for another day.)

And since I don’t really talk to anyone else, I’m honestly asking here. Am I overreacting? Am I justified? These last few days I’ve seriously been contemplating trying to burn the desire for human companionship out of my system. Again. Why bother trying to be friendly when everyone hates me?



My type concluded

Posted in Updates with tags , , , , on June 19, 2013 by Johnny Broken

So there I am, stunned by something I never thought I’d hear. Ever. Then my mind finally scrambled back to a functional level and I did a mental “Waitaminute. What?!” I’m guessing it’s probably rather pathetic, but I just can’t get what she said out of my head. Like I said, beautiful women don’t talk to me, let alone go out of their way to say they miss me. But I am a pathetic human being, so it fits. Getting back to the confusion, I started thinking, in my own utterly incompetent way, about how I could seek answers to the questions that were now running through my mind. A beautiful girl who is nothing like me likes talking to me? Why? Should I do something about this? Should I try to talk to her more? Is she trying to test how I react? How should I react? Am I overthinking this?

Rather, well, smitten with the development, I did go out of my way to try to talk to her more. And that’s what’s made the situation worse. Sometimes she’d wave as she passed. Sometimes she’d blow me off all day. Sometimes she’d wait for me outside and we’d talk briefly as we walked in to work. Sometimes we’d never intersect at all during the day. So I really don’t know I’m doing something wrong, or if I should be doing anything at all. And it occurs to me that you’re probably wondering what my end goal is here. Yeah, I won’t lie, I wouldn’t object to dating her, but I seriously don’t ever see that happening. So I’m really not trying to move forward on anything like that. At least not intentionally, anyway. I’m just… I don’t know, really. Stumbling through trying to be a friend? My only real life friend, we’ll call him #3, tells me I’m wasting my time. But after every time I’ve been convinced that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, in a few days she’s all friendly again. Which lead me to a surprisingly pleasant development. Temporary, of course, but anyway.

I had a week off from work, and the Tuesday after I came back was a free pizza day. Now I usually head off and keep to myself during lunch, but against my better judgment, I figured what the hell and grabbed some pizza. (I normally only eat one of those six packs of cheese and crackers for lunch. After a lot of trial and error, it’s the only thing I’ve found that I don’t get sick off of. And there’s also my, uh, minor obsession with my weight.) As I passed by the lunch room, I noticed the beautiful girl was sitting by herself at a table, which lead to a brief internal struggle in my head for the 5 seconds I had to think it over before the point of no return.

Odd, I thought, she normally doesn’t stay in here for lunch.

Where’s her friend that’s usually joined at her hip, who also seems to be one of the factors in her not talking to me?

Should I sit with her or go off and do what I normally do?

How much will I regret if don’t sit next to her?

What’s the worst that could happen if I do sit next to her?

And for once in my life, I took the initiative and sat at the table. Well, I admit I cheated a bit and set my stuff down at the table and mumbled, “Be right back” as I walked off to quickly wash my hands. And yes, I fully expected her to get up and leave before I got back. And she didn’t! So we sat and talked for a bit. About 10 minutes later she stood up and said she was going to go “burn my lungs” and she walked out. Now I did not take that to mean “let’s go outside so I can smoke” so pretty much right after she left, I did too. And as I walked out, I chuckled nervously to myself that after something like that, I probably wasn’t going to get to talk to her again for a long, long time.

And guess who wasn’t at work the next day? And only for like 2 hours the day after that?

So I wrote the whole thing off, again, as my having scared her off. Which lead to the following Friday. As I was on my way out for lunch, I happened to randomly notice that she was sitting in the lunch room again, alone, at the same table. Well I sat with her again, and we talked for a while. During which, to my surprise she did happened to bring up that she doesn’t do much online. (I had been wondering how to get in touch with her via social media. And now I knew that wasn’t happening.) But again after roughly 10 minutes, she goes out to smoke. Now at this point, I figured that after talking to her that much, I wouldn’t talk to her again for at least a few days, considering how on-and-off she is around me.

And sometimes in my life, I’m damn near psychic.

My division conspired against me and I couldn’t make the “usual” lunch time the next day. And I don’t think I saw her at all the next two days. And then on Friday, I caught her once, but never got to say anything, and she continued on her merry little way. And the following Monday, like a third of my old division, the stuff she was doing, started issuing layoffs. Which, of course, included her.

Now they do tend to rehire people after a slow week or three. But, well, I don’t even know if I should bother thinking about this. I mean I am going to keep thinking about it, because beautiful girls who are nothing like me don’t talk to me. But at this point, I can’t really do anything else about it, regardless of her tendency to avoid me every other day anyway.

UPDATE: I typed this up initially about a month ago, and as of my posting this, the division she was in has only gotten smaller since then. At this point I don’t know when they’ll be rehiring anyone for that particular job, never mind the odds of re-hiring her in particular. So I find it extremely unlikely I’ll ever see her again. C’est ma vie.

-Johnny Broken

Maybe I don’t know my type after all

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on June 12, 2013 by Johnny Broken

I humbly admit I’ve developed a fondness for certain social medias. The online variety, of course. If there’s a need for a distinction, but anyway, I’m also on twitter @destroyedspirit. Feel free to look me up there. I guess I like talking to no one in particular about topics that people don’t like talking about. Kind of hard for me to do that in real life, as I’ve just recently learned that one of the last two guys I consider a friend is moving out of state for work. As his wife is a controlling bitch of Jabba-esque proportions , my only other real friend and I don’t expect to ever see the guy again. So I’m down to one real world friend. And even he’s an asshole more often than not. Fun times, my life.

Do I have any prospects for a girlfriend? As you may have gathered by now, I’m horrible with women. So I really don’t know. Some random women my age talk to me at work, but I have no idea how to interpret any sort of flirty sign or signal or anything. Or if the looks cast my way are of the “Oooh, interesting” or the “Oooh God stay away” variety. There’s one girl, for example, who confuses the hell out of me. But before I start talking about why she does, I do want to point out that I still don’t know if I should be chuckling or horrified that she has the same hair color and name as that last “real” girlfriend I had all those years ago.

Anyway, this girl, let’s call her #4. The biggest thing is that she’s, well, hot, and thusly out of my league. Way, waaay out of my league. Like I just found out t-ball existed and she’s won a couple world serieissises. (Yeah, I do generally hate sports analogies, but it gets the point across rather well. And yeah, again, there’s no intended innuendo.) If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years with any certainty, it’s that ugly ducklings DO NOT get the swan in real life. And not that it matters, but she’s also a good bit younger than me, and she has two kids. And I know it’s jumping ahead a lot, but you can rest assured, I know full well I’m not ready for anything anywhere near THAT level of responsibility. So, back to the confusion.

Now #4, she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I could go on about her reading level, but I don’t know if she even has a GED, so I can’t say how badly the educational system failed her. The important thing to keep in mind here is that in a business environment, I’m a grammar Nazi and I’m pretty sure management knows this. I admit that when she was moved right next to my station at work, and I got a chance to hear her repeatedly stumbling over very simple words, at first I started working on a lot of jokes about how she was putting said inner grammar Nazi into a coma. But then a team leader came by, and #4 quite literally burst into tears because she felt that what they had her doing made her sound stupid, which was made worse by whatever was going on in her home life.

After hearing her confession, I just couldn’t bring myself to mock her as badly as I intended. Feeling a bit chivalrous, I decided that so help me, I will make her smarter and as good at this job as I can. Now I should also mention that the guy who sat on the far side of her was equally capable of coaching her, and did as well from time to time. So a few weeks passed, I helped her out as best I could, and the other guy did too. And to my pleasant surprise, I noticed that she caught on pretty quick.

I try to make small talk with anyone I have to sit next to for like 30 hours a week, and the job it boring enough as is, so I’d also try to make her at least laugh from time to time. (There’s a big clue about that career opportunity I’ve been alluding to.) I was relatively content as the next few weeks passed, then I got moved to a different area at work. More than anything, I was annoyed that I was getting moved away from the hot girl that talked to me, and I figured that was the end of it. But this is where the confusion kicks in. When I pointed this out to her, to my extreme surprise, she actually got all, well, pouty that I was being moved away.

My heart skipped a beat. Women, especially the incredibly attractive ones, don’t express sorrow that they will no longer be next to me all day.

She explained that she preferred learning from me, compared to the other guy on her far side. He’s apparently a lot harsher, and I’m more laid back and easier to deal with. For as pleasantly unexpected a development as that was, it was quickly countered by how badly my new desk at work sucked, and my belief that if I didn’t have a desk right next to her, I probably wouldn’t talk to #4 again. Did I mention she’s beautiful? Beautiful women don’t talk to me. Skip ahead a few days to the start of the work day, and I hear someone behind me trying to get my attention. I turn around, and again, to my surprise, it’s #4. She commented on how she doesn’t get to see me anymore, and then she said something that’s stuck with me ever since.

“I miss you!”

-Johnny Broken

Jim Beamed Ahnenerbe TV

Posted in Updates with tags , , , on January 20, 2010 by Johnny Broken

A moderate 125 today.

Freaking dog started barking it’s head off for like 15 minutes straight once the oil delivery showed up at like 7AM. I mention yet how much I hate dogs?

Sent my Future Shock submission out today. The labels I used for the addresses didn’t look like they stuck completely around the edges regardless of how much I smashed them down, but, well, gah. Out of my hands now. Now I just need to forget about it for 6 weeks to 6 months. *crosses fingers*

Heard on the radio that a guy had the cops called on his mountainy home for playing John Denver too loud. The guy says he was “rocking out.” >.<

1 Day to Dark Avengers #13!

Went back to my chaotic ebil character in Fallout 3. Well, re-did the character with a save point right before you leave the Vault. I have a concept I like for as much as the game lets you build around that. So the idea was to focus on Big Guns, Repair, and Speech. (My lawful ebil Ghoul Girl didn’t have much more than 20 points in Speech until like level 8 or 10, and as such my smooth talking with her barely works.) But you don’t get enough ammo for Big Guns until, at least that I know of, you get to the Capital Ruins and encounter the Super Mutants with all their gatling guns and missle launchers. But I didn’t really want to put a lot of points into Melee, or Explosives to start, as I -think- the points from Little Leaguer on the off Perk levels might be enough to do that. But the super exploder build I’m sorta working towards with Perks like Size Matters and Demolitions Expert and Pyromaniac doesn’t leave a lot of room for Lockpick and Computers. GAH!

Ghoul Girl has a high lockpick, but jack for computers. So I figure my lawful good Cyborg Guy can focus on Science (and Unarmed) to get that out of the way. But going through Megaton again with Exploder Guy, I’ve been reminded of all the places I didn’t loot before blowing it up playing through as Ghoul Girl. (I only went for Lucas Simms’ place and the Armory before, and decided to not bother with any of the other places after noticing that Moira’s shop and Burke’s house were too hard to break into.) So I -want- a character that focuses on Big Guns and damage (Shishkebobs and Explosives) and there’s a lot of perks to work around that, but I’m at a loss, again, for the secondary stuff. And it’s more difficult than I imagined to get bad Karma if you’re not looting everything in sight. Sure he can talk to people better than Ghoul Girl, but the lockpick thing is starting to bug me.

And if… when… I re-do Ghoul Girl, I might just focus on Melee for Ninja related shenanigans. (And Lockpick and Sneak) Though I don’t know if the Chinese Officer sword would be enough, nevermind finding it early enough to be worth it. Hmmm… So that would leave Ghoul Girl 2.0 with Melee/Lockpick/Sneak, Cyborg Guy with Unarmed/Science/???, and Exploder Guy with Big Guns and…. um… crap. Back to the drawing board.

2 Days to new Supernatural episodes!

Talked to Computer Girl briefly last night. She’s, well, to put it simply, my dream girl. Granted we “met” over the muhmorpuguh we both play; I joined a vampire Roleplay (or just RP for short) guild her RP guild was allied with, and our characters got along, and things just went on from there. The vampire stuff lost momentum, and then I started my own RP villain guild and asked her to join, and that’s when I noticed the extent of her…. quirks. I had invited another slightly wackier friend of mine to join the same guild, and Computer Girl, pretty much 2 minutes into talking to Wacky Guy, pitched a fit believing she was being personally attacked and all my in-game friends hate her, and her participation in any of -my- RP based stuff has been all but nonexistent ever since. We still talk though, mostly out of character (or OOC) but the bulk of the in character (or IC) stuff we do,  is centered on her characters, which, are, well, different. And I’m stuck on superheroes and supervillains. Since the game we play is based on superheroes and supervillains.

Anyhoo, I’ve seen a blurry pic of her and she’s seen a couple decent pics of me, and we talked over the phone, uh, once.

We do have a -lot- in common though, between pop culture interests, personal styles, and entertainment interests. But the biggest problem is that she’s on the other side of the !#%&*^$@@!#^ country. And the biggest obstacle to -that-, well, okay, the second biggest obstacle after me not having the money it would take to fly over there, is that she’s so misanthropic she makes me look like the life of the party by comparison. (And trust me, I’m sssoooooo not a party person.) Which, really, if I lived in the same city as her, it wouldn’t be an issue, because I don’t really like hanging out with a lot of people anyway. I’d be more than happy to just hang out with her. But… I need some more incentive to get my ass over there than meeting a girl I’ve never actually met in real life (or IRL). So I -was- trying to plan it out that I’d fly over there with 2 other friends of mine and we’d all go to a big convention and they could do stuff on their own and then I’d hang out with Computer Girl and we’d meet for like dinner and such. Aaand then that promptly blew up in my face.

My two other friends, who were married, long story short, split up. (More on that later, possibly. I’m still trying to get my comic books and alcohol back from their house.) And then Computer Girl started whining about how she would hate being around all the people at the convention and she wouldn’t know anyone and she’d be miserable, implying that I was -trying- to find the worst possible thing to drag her to. So. So much for that idea.

So now that you have a little bit of the context, as for last night. Computer Girl also hates the Lady of Cats, (more on that later, possibly) and was complaining about the LoC being the prime candidate to take over the guild I founded. (I’m passing it on due to my not having the time, mostly due to the band and my possibly going back into theatre, or interest to rebuild the group.) So in between her complaining about that, and no, she’s not a member of my guild, and her gushing about Avatar (I still don’t really care to see the movie.) she managed to quickly sneak in a line about how I could hang out with -her- characters more. BUT! She demands “unique” character’s. And she’s annoyed that, in her words, I keep remaking my own guild characters to put them in her guilds.

My jaw about hit the floor when I read that.

First off, my main RP characters are in my guild, but as for the ones I “remade,” I only did that -once- because I thought she -liked- the character. And I moved an obsolete version of my leader guy to her other group because she kept going on about how her one character would get along with my leader guy. The other characters I’ve moved to her groups (ninja man and werewolf) didn’t fit in my group. They aren’t -there- anymore. I’ve told her I don’t know how many time that of her main guilds, I’ve been at a loss for characters to make for some of them, since her guild concepts are so left field for me. And unless I really get into a character, I will be bored to tears trying to stick with it. In the muhmorpuguh world, they call it “alt-itis.” Means you have trouble (for any one of a number of reasons) sticking to one character and you keep making new ones. I have altitis pretty bad, and so does Computer Girl. But I’ve also noticed that the last couple of times I have created characters for her guilds (whether they were carryovers from my guild or not) after we’d do a character introduction, the next time I’d see her online, she’d be playing the characters she knows I have no concepts for. I know she’s playing some weird game with me, and she even joked that she can’t help it that I’m a step behind the characters of the moment. But… still… *sigh*

And no, I haven’t brought up my counter argument to her, because I’m really tired of arguing with anyone right now

On a slightly more upbeat note, band practice went well. I’m still far from, y’know, good, only been playing on and off for a few months. Need to get the coordination down, but I think I’m getting better at that. Band guy insists I’m good at keeping a beat, which in his book is all I really need. I’m not out to be a like technical wizard or anything, but I would at least like to be able to consider myself a competent musician one of these days.